Dear Dr Epstein

First of all, I have to say I’m sorry. You are not an idiot and although (in my own blog and my own opinion) I had every right to say it, you’re right: as a ‘mature’ adult (which I never claimed to be) I should take more responsibility for the words I use, I’m sorry: forgive me.

The article I wrote had little to do with what you wrote and more to do with what I thought about what I had read in TIME. The article I read upset me a lot, more so than I thought it would. It filled me with fear when I thought of my nieces 8-10 and my great nieces 3 months – 4 years and the trials they might have to go through when they reach their teen years. I agreed with your idea that people should have to take a test on whether or not they are competent enough to be considered ‘adults.’ In fact, what’s stopping the government from making sure that the people who are allowed to drink, smoke, have sex and so on should have that responsibility? I can give you a list as long as my arm of those who would fail said test. The problem isn’t that some teens are mature enough to be adults, the problem is that parents can say they want their children to be considered ‘adult dependents’ and what-not in order to have them get jobs, pay rent or move out, and release the parents of all responsibility for the child.

I’m in Kenya right now. Children here are not even allowed into the kitchen until they are into their teen years because the parents don’t want to take the chance that something could happen to them. My mother (bless her) didn’t have that problem. I’m the 4th born in a family of 5 girls. My mother by the time I came along didn’t have a problem with me staying out late as long as I didn’t ‘wake her when I came home’ or for that matter ‘wake her if I needed a ride’ I started mixing cookie dough and banana bread when I was 5. Parents are taking a lot more responsibility for their children, but there is still a need and a desire in North America especially to be lazy. And it’s very easy!

Being here I’ve learned how to cook on a small charcoal burner (jiko) for hours in order to prepare a small bit of cabbage. I’ve learned how to get from point a to point b without the use of a car/bike, and I’ve learned that when I get back to Canada, my life is going to be so much easier. There are no washing machines, dishwashers, and baking takes close to an hour over the allotted 8-12 minutes. We want to be lazy. Put our clothes into a washing machine and sit on our asses for an hour watching ‘what not to wear’ then when the machine dings, to pull it out, put in into the dryer, press a button and go and sit and watch Oprah for the next hour. Then we pull them out and (sometimes) fold them and put them away. The draw to take the bus to the store that’s within walking distance and take the escalator/elevator over the plain and simple stairs is more than I can bear. I’m guilty of it too, and have made it a point when I get home to rectify my mistake.

Sir, I’m sorry for what I said about you, but I’m not sorry for what I said about the idea that the age of adolescence is dead. This is not the first time I’ve heard the argument of abolishing the ‘arbitrary age minimums’ and as my husband and I will soon be starting a family of our own, the idea that children are becoming more adult scares me half to death as it should you. My apologies if what I said about you was too harsh. It was not my intent, nor (and I’m sorry to admit this because it is the least mature thing that could be said) I had no idea that you would ever read it. It doesn’t make what I said right, but it’s true and I’m honoured that you said your piece.

Take care of your ‘four beautiful children’ and be assured that when I get back to Canada in 2-3 weeks, I have every intention of reading ‘The Case against Adolescence: Rediscovering the Adult in Every Teen’ who knows? I might learn something. :D

The End of Adolescence?

Okay, I gotta admit, the article in TIME had me hooked. I agree that those who are mature enough to handle the responsibilities that they have, are more than mature enough to earn a few more responsibilities. Unfortunately, the idea that children (yes children because even at my young age that’s what they are to me) should be allowed to take a test proving their maturity and then do things that some adults shouldn’t be allowed to do is disturbing to say the least.
My niece, like my mother before her, (no name) got her period at 9 years old. Does that mean as a ‘woman’ that she should have the right and privilege of driving? Drinking? Smoking perhaps? That idea scares me more than the fact that the reason that she got her period at 9 is still unknown (if someone tells me it’s because of obesity, I’m going to share the fact that she’s less than 100 lbs and is turning 11 in July). I agree that if she proves that she can take care of a cat/dog that she has earned the right to get more money for an allowance, or maybe even the right to stay out later (when she’s allowed to date/go out in the first place from her mom/dad) or maybe baby-sit her little sister for some change. I think that’s a right that’s earned. She’s shown she’s mature enough to handle some responsibilities and to understand the consequences. But it doesn’t mean I want her moving out on her own into the streets of Toronto and looking for a job at the local grocery store bagging vegetables. She’s barely into double digits, for Pete’s sake!
Robert Epstein, the author of “The Case against Adolescence: Rediscovering the Adult in every Teen” says “people of any age who pass relevant competency tests should have drinking rights.” I think that means we should all have to take these tests and prove that we have earned the right to be adults. But I think it also means that Robert Epstein (in all his intelligence) is an idiot. I mean think about it. We’re not even letting children that are 8.5 months in the womb to be considered ‘people’ but we’re willing to give the right and privilege of drinking, smoking, driving, voting and sex to those barely out of it?
I have to admit, teens are smarter now than they were when I was a teen. I mean some of my friends wound up pregnant or with some STD while we were still in High school and others ‘came out’ in that same time period. Body piercing and tattoos were the ‘coolest’ thing and many of the students in our high school came down with infections and worse in some of the worst possible places imaginable (imagine what you could have pierced and then imagine it getting infected… yeah, ouch). Even I have one (not because it was cool, although my friends might disagree) but I was smart enough to wait until I was in my 20s before I got one (thanks mom) and gave it a lot of thought to something that was going to be on my skin forever. I remember one girl at our graduation wore something low in the back to reveal “I heart pooh” and a picture of Winnie the Pooh, the classic version across her shoulder blades. I worked with her after we graduated and she has since struggled to locate dresses that are still revealing, but she’ll wear a scarf to cover that part of the body up. She’s in her late 20s now, I wonder if she regrets not getting something ‘universal’ for her tattoo. Like a butterfly on her butt, or a flower somewhere on her breast. My sister (again no name) has a frog on her shoulder and I wonder if she ever wishes she had gotten something more ‘feminine’ or waited to think about what the consequences would have been for her. I have a sapphire on my ankle and even though I took a while to think about it; and talked to my husband and my parents about getting it and what the effect it would be on me and those around me; I think I still would have gotten it. I probably would have eaten before I got it, and wouldn’t have gotten my blood taken that same day, but those are mistakes that won’t happen if (when) I get another tattoo. My husband has allowed me 3 tattoos and I don’t plan on wasting them for anything. I’m not going to become the ‘tattoo lady’ or bill jukes (every inch of him Tattooed) but I’m not going to refrain from doing something I want to do because it’s ‘cool’ or ‘uncool’ at the time. Plus I’m an “adult” now so supposedly, I should have the right anyway right?
Drugs, smoking and teen pregnancy are at an all time low for the first time in 7 years and teen suicide rate is lower than it was in 1980 (the year I was born). So I agree teens are realizing that they want to live longer instead of the way Mark Lowry puts it “die young leave a pretty corpse.” I mean, not killing yourself is smart, kids are eating better and paying attention to that little square on the side of the box that says ‘nutritional information’ because they want to be healthy and happy. (Wish I had done that when I was in my teens, I wouldn’t have a problem with obesity now).
So I commend parents and teens who are paying more attention to the stats. They are focused on the good things in life, and why shouldn’t they be? Gone are the days of the lazy teen who thinks that ‘American Idol’ will be the answer to all their problems and the day of ‘why should I go to college when I can just go on “big brother umpteen” and win a million dollars?’ I agree that teens should have more responsibilities when they can handle them. I’m all for having people take a test to prove their responsibility level, especially adults. But to eliminate the age limit altogether is ridiculous! The problem being where would it stop?
Joe Camel was a popular character in the 80s because he was a spokes ‘camel’ for ‘camel cigarettes’ he was also protested against in the late 80’s and early 90s because he was ‘appealing to children to smoke.’ Nowadays people are concerned with the amount of television that children watch because it will influence their decision to buy certain foods and products and watch certain shows and those shows will in turn make them watch commercials which will influence them to buy certain foods and products and so on. Who doesn’t remember ‘give it to Mikey, he’ll eat anything?’ or the ‘Soggies’ (Cap’n Crunch’s nemeses). Just think of how bad television will get when there’s no limit to how young the commercials can appeal to? Smurfs selling ‘Blue’, ‘My Little Pony’ selling ‘Trojans’ or the ‘Pall Mall Rats’ are a few that come to mind. And my mind is someone clean as far as some things go, just think of what else would come. *shudders at the thought*
So that’s my opinion on things. I understand that teens are more ‘adult’ than ever before, but teens are still teens. Boys are still stupid until they turn close to 50 something and girls are still ‘little princesses’ until they are close to 30, nothing will change that. So don’t change the age limit okay? And certainly don’t drop it altogether. As for the responsibilities that these children have earned; let their parents reward them with a bigger allowance or a later curfew or a new puppy. Don’t give them the chance to screw up their lives because we think they’re ‘adult enough’. Let kids be kids for a little longer, huh?