wow... I'll give you this. I've been reading this book and you know when you get to a point in the book where you recognize an event? well, I've been reading this book by dee henderson (great writer btw) and she writes this book called "true valor" I picked it up because it's the earliest in the series that I could find. even if it is book 3/4 but it's been a good book of fiction until I started reading about the twin towers.... yep.. it mentions the attack on 9/11 and I got to thinking about what i would do and where I was on that day and how many lives were lost and I had to put the book down. fiction became too real for me. it was like that last night when I was watching this you tube thing at youth. I'm not too fond of you tube but they have their moments. anyway I was watching this thing called "a letter from hell" and it started out good but I became more intimidated so much so that I had to grip other people and ask them if they were feeling alright to cover my own goosebumps. (sorry about that, Devan) the last part was a poem that freaked me out the most and I'll write it here so that you can see how frightening the rest of it was without having to watch the video (btw there is a disclaimer at the beginning, so you can't sue if you freak out) Don't bother me with souls to save I have my own agenda there's school to do and sports to play important stuff to attend to Don't bother me with my friend at work he's got his own religion I don't have time to change his mind he'll make his own decision don't bother me with that little girl the girl playing in the street she's much too young to understand that the savior she could meet don't bother me with the sounds I hear the sounds of people shrieking although I wonder who they are who are these victims screaming don't bother me with who they are I really don't want the blame 'cause it's my friend at work and that little girl who from Hell scream out my name but don't bother me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oT9_kjW0UHg

There is nothing quite like hanging out with people younger than you to make you feel incredibly stupid. I've been helping out with the youth group at my church and they all are talking about bands I don't know anything about and teams that I don't care much for and well.. you name it! and I feel so dumb talking about my country bands because they call just kind of get this blank look on their faces and blink at me.

it's not that any of them are particularly smarter than me, or dumber, I just want to be a little smarter than people who are half my age... you know? the voice of experience and all that? I mean I had fun trick or treating with Jordan but in some things he's so much smarter than I am and more in shape!

I know this should be posted on my "weightloss blog" but there's nothing like trick or treating for an hour or so to show you just how out of shape you are. my legs ached and now my arm is sore.. I even complained that the pillowcase was too heavy. how did my parents do this with my sister and I?

I'm getting excited about Christmas. My family is arguing about dates and stuff and my presents are far from being bought. but I'm excited about seeing people. and parties and just being with friends and family. i'm even looking forward to the decorating (granted my tree is 2 feet tall...) the sad thing is, I'm not looking forward to how I'll look in some things. my dresses are 'smaller' and my body isn't getting any smaller. (at least width wise)

I should go.
I have a migrane... no caffine'll do that to ya.

Steve