first off all, you need to know that I deleted Vampire Wars and am now obsessed with something completely different.

secondly, for my sunday school class I'm doing the Geneology of Jesus which means I'm learning things and re-learning things I haven't thought about since I was in sunday school. My class is a mixed one and I was worried at first because they are all so different that I didn't know how I could make it new and exciting for some and at the same time, not repeat everything that everyone has ever heard before.

my sunday schoool consists of H, B, J and A. H is a socially awkward 16 year old and is at her age not at all interested in what most 16 year olds are interested in at that age. She would much rather be watching Barbie and Tinkerbell movies than hang out with boys and get her licence. B, my only boy is H's brother and is challenging me. He often asks me things that I in my 25 years as a Christian have never thought about. & he makes me think more theologically. did I mention he's 14? Both B and H are Pastor's kids which means they have been raised to think like their father who I don't always agree with, but I do respect.

J is from a mixed religion family. While her mother is a Christian, her father is not. She's 11-12 and is far too grown up for her age but she's in that 'daddy's girl' stage of asking 'why do I have to go to church if dad doesn't?' which doesn't make it easier on me at all.

finally we have A who has been a Christian now for exactly 3 and a half weeks as I write this. She doesn't know much about the word except for the fact that she read it at camp when she was 13 and she is now 16.

so I have to dumb it down for A, make it interesting enough for J to want to come back every week and challenging for H and B who have heard it all before ad nausium.

Like I said, after much prayer and a list of 8-10 things I could speak on, I chose to do the Geneology of Jesus. This basically means that I learn something, get excited, come into class excited, share my excitement and hear things like 'this is the most fun class I have ever been in' (A) or 'that's so cool, I have to go tell my Dad!' (B)

Right now I'm in Noah. Mostly what the kids have learned from the beginning is that God has had a plan for them, and He has a plan for us. which admittedly is pretty cool. but Noah has so much long boring drawn out stuff no wonder it's been simplified in children's songs and story books. (get those animals, up on the arky arky)

but these are teens, they don't care about the two by two, but as I learn that God's plan was repeated in the tabernacle and temple and that God is always thinking one step ahead. I mean. who knew that the Ark was designed in such a way that it was impossible to capsize? who knew that God designed it inside and out to be perfect missing one major thing: steering! so Noah, Mrs Noah, and three kids plus wives had to depend on God to get anywhere. they didn't have a choice!

this is what God is teaching me, this is what I'm teaching them.
God is so good!
Ruth

*headdesk* have you ever ignored that little voice in your head and then realized when like 3 people told you the same thing that you really SHOULD have listened to it?

yeah. that's the world I'm in now...



I've been playing this game called "Vampire Wars" On facebook. Yes, I'm hooked on facebook and their apps and I got rid of a lot of things, but Vampire Wars seemed fairly innocent for the most part. At least it did at the time. Now I'm "Gambling Lucifer for my soul" and it seems less innocent.

A few weeks ago, my Pastor gave me a hard time and I really took offense. I mean, it's just a game right? and then this Lucifer thing popped up and My stomach went, "well it was fun while it lasted, time to delete!" and again I got indignant and went, "no it's just a game..." *sigh*

so today my friend Av posted "I don't think you should play this anymore, even for fun." and she's right and everyone before her was right and I should just delete it or start listening to my gut when it tells me things...

I'm at level 103! I hate to just say I wasted all that time... *headdesk*
What do I do?
Ruthi

two posts in two days? wow...

you know the song "Joy unspeakable"? That's really how I feel.

The day is grey, and gloomy and dank and miserable, but I am so elated in my spirit that there are just no words to describe it! I mean... I literally woke up singing "Jesus put a song in my heart."

if anyone knows where I can find the guitar music for it I'd love it!

Last night I went to sleep thinking of God and after visiting Salvation army and meeting some... interesting characters and adding them to my prayer list, I came home thinking God is so good!

a friend staying at Teen challenge lost his aunt and his brother in one weekend to suicides. We arrived back at the center and all I could do was cry out to God for my brother-in-Christ. I've seen what stressors like this can do to someone and it often means they abandon the program and leave. and my heart breaks.


I tried to sing my song on my own,

But then I found out I was singing alone.

Then Jesus sang with me,

We sang in harmony.

Now I am singing His song.

Oo.. I'm singing His song.





Jesus put the song in my heart,He turned my life around,

He gave me a treasure,

The heart of a servant.

Jesus put the song in my heart,A joyful melody,

That sings of His wonderful love.




This living in Saturday mode is amazing!
why haven't I thought of this before?
Praise the Lord!
Ruthi

wow! I have to tell you this has been one of the most eye opening weeks I've had in a long time.

first I realize I have created unto myself an island and therefore no one thinks to pray for me or hang with me because I never tell anyone what's going on in my life.

secondly, I change that and start telling people things and before long I have what I can only call a Prayer warrior on my side! She's amazing! If I wasn't thinking of the name Bonnie before, I am now! *happy sighs*

thirdly, after this recent graduation with Teen challenge (God love him) My eyes have been opened to just the full power of God in a person's life! I mean I watched a man break down and cry in front of everyone when the spirit of God fell on him... it was amazing.

Fourthly (this is becoming quite a list) over this weekend, I've been filled with the hope and anticipation that I hope I have everyday of my life! I mean... okay, so I want to live in Saturday mode okay? like that feeling between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. that Hope and anticipation that God is going to do something big! he is going to move in a powerful way and some monumental event is coming!

and finally (and this is just for the week) I've determined that God is so amazing and I have not been doing my part to spend time with him, when he so desperately wants to spend time with me and that's going to change.

I think that's it for my life changing events.
I have quite a busy time ahead of me...

Pray for me please?
Ruth

wow. so Epiphany time.

I've been reading back and really thinking about this whole baby situation. I was reading back to where I had that crazy dream of mine about having to give birth all alone and the truth is, I feel really alone. but it has nothing to do with anyone else. I push people away! I keep things from people. I mean no one in my church even knew that hubby and I were trying to have a baby in the first place! How can I expect them to be there for me, in prayer and in need when I don't tell anyone anything?

so it's honesty time. I'm going to let people know that Hubby and I are trying and that it's a real struggle for us. *read: me*

I've been reading this article over and over from the latest issue of "Servant" magazine (issue 85 2010) with an article called "plan b" and I think I'm going to share part of it

"Waiting on God
we talk a lot about Good Friday when redemption happened through the shedding of Christ's blood. Easter Sunday is a day of celebration because Jesus conquered death so we can have life. But we don't hear a lot about Saturday. Saturday seems like a day when nothing is happening. it's a day of questioning, doubting and waiting, a day of hopelessness when we wonder if God is asleep or simply powerless to do anything about our problems. Is it possible though that Saturday is actually a day of preparation when God's getting ready to do his best work in us?"

I've decided to live in Saturday Mode. Not the uncertainty or the doubt or the hopelessness, but the Hope and Anticipation of God's work being done!

at least, that's my plan..
wish me luck!
Ruthi

whoever created wii was a genius! I have burned an entire day's worth of calories in a week. like that's crazy right? Pat and I are really working hard to attempt to beat each other at the amount of time we're on the wii. it's difficult because we only have one wii-mote. (hint hint, birthday is in 4 1/2 months...)

As you likely saw the melt down in my last post this one is a little more up-beat. no I'm still not pregnant. yes I'm trying to lose weight, yes I'm still posting useless information and watching really bad reality tv. but there are some new things

obviously the wii has really helped. there's something about being able to watch that graph go down on a daily basis that makes me really happy, and it encourages me to keep going. even if it is in kilos. Pat and I have tried to "fake the system out" by seeing what each other do, but no luck. *shrugs* we're both okay with that.

Every once in a while I think God might be waiting for me to do something to allow him to let me have a baby. I don't know what that is. and every so often I feel like I've blown my chance. maybe I'm not supposed to be a mom. that would totally suck. and now I've depressed myself.

okay, focus on losing weight, focus on new Sunday School adventure, focus on.. anything... *sigh* maybe it was just like me finding Pat in the first place. like it would happen when I was distracted and wasn't waiting but it's SO hard not to think about it. I mean EVERYONE is getting pregnant and I'm not. It stinks.

le sigh
off to play sims and pretend.
Rs

This is going to be a lot of me whining.

well, The period's here and no baby again.

It's not that I hate my period anymore than any other woman does, it's just that I feel like we've been trying to have a baby forever and every month goes by and no baby!

when do I get one? everyone else seems to get one, it's not fair!

one of the things that really frustrates me is that some of our friends have finished! my friend has actually finished and she's two years younger than me! it's not that I see this as a contest, I mean I've been to Kenya, right, but why isn't it my time? why don't I get one?

my cousin just had her second, and she lost her first one, and my other cousin is pregnant with her second and she didn't even want the first one! I have family who just pop them out like crazy and I don't get any??? it's not fair.

and Now hubby and i are fighting over how many? frig, let me have one before you cut me off please? I just feel like he's being cruel for the sake of being cruel. I mean, I have only 10 years before I can't have them anymore... so then what. I just get none? *sniff* that sucks.

*goes to hug her teddy bear and cry*
~Rs